06 Aug Who are the narcissistic perverts and how can you protect yourself?
For some time now, we’ve been hearing a lot about them in the media, and a shock TV movie, “L’Emprise”, was recently shown on TF1 on this theme: narcissistic perverts are among us. Who are they and how can you protect yourself? Narcissistic perverts are fortunately few in number (2 to 3% of the population), but are extremely toxic. They can be your spouse, your child, a friend or a colleague at work… They present two faces: one very sympathetic to the outside world and one very dark to their victim. It starts with a big seduction campaign, the narcissistic pervert puts you on a pedestal, you’re his princess and nothing is too good for you. He’ll invite you to the best restaurants, shower you with gifts… He’s actually very good at spotting your weaknesses, as well as your secret dreams (princess wedding, successful family life, fulfilling job…), and will use both to influence you and keep you at his mercy. It’s thanks to him that you’ll get them, and it’s your fault if things don’t go according to plan. This highly destructive behavior undermines you little by little. Before you know it, you’ll be in a downward spiral. From perfect, you’re going to become fat, ugly, useless, crazy, sick… He’s going to put you down and humiliate you a little more every day, while still putting on a friendly face to your friends and relations. They won’t understand what you’re complaining about, since you’ve found your ideal partner. He gives you the Scottish shower all the time, going from charming to extremely aggressive in a matter of seconds. This finally gets on your nerves, and you don’t know where you stand! All it takes is for you to upset him, and he’ll lower you to the ground within minutes of declaring his love for you. For Isabelle Nazare-Aga, author of Manipulateurs sont parmi nous, an individual is a narcissistic pervert if he or she meets 14 criteria from a list of 30 behaviors, including blaming and devaluing others, blaming others for his or her own actions, double communication and frequent changes of opinion, jealousy… Narcissistic perverts are egotistical monsters, without affect, and they don’t love anyone. Even when they assure you that they’re going to do therapy, if you point out that there are problems between you, it’s still manipulation to get you under their thumb. Knowing this, don’t fall asleep with sweet dreams: the narcissistic pervert, incapable of self-criticism, will never change. The only solution is to run away from him; you’ll never live happily with him. If you’re married and have children, prepare your departure in the greatest secrecy, relying on the support of those closest to you. You also have a very important decision to make: start psychotherapy to regain your self-confidence. Very often, narcissistic perverts attack intelligent, sensitive and altruistic people and slowly destroy them. You’ll also need psychological support to combat the harassment you’re likely to experience once you’ve left the narcissistic pervert. Only a professional will be able to find the right words and behaviour to persuade him to find another victim, once he understands that you’re no longer under his influence!