14 Apr Treating the wound of humiliation: definition, symptoms, solutions
I am Laurence DELINOT, practitioner of humanist hypnosis since 2010, I receive in my office in Paris in the 15th arrondissement and online anyone suffering from emotional wounds such as rejection wound, wound of abandonment, wound of betrayal, wound of injustice and wound of humiliation.
How to heal the wound of humiliation? Thanks to an amplified state of consciousness, we can reconnect with this child symbolically and take care of him/her in order to regain self-confidence and become a more fulfilled adult. If you were a victim of mockery and devaluation as a child and suffer from a lack of self-esteem as an adult, this article will undoubtedly speak to you.
What is the wound of humiliation?
Definition and origin
The wound of humiliation is an emotional wound rooted in childhood. It is caused by criticism, devaluation and mockery within the family or at school by authority figures, peers or siblings. Not only can the physical appearance be attacked, but also intellectual abilities.
The experience of humiliation is part of a repetitive pattern that persists throughout an adult’s life. Devaluation and exclusion are frequent in the professional and social spheres, as well as in the family circle. Humiliation is a manipulative technique used to gain power over others, as in toxic couple relationships.
Finally, the notion of the scapegoat helps us understand that the problem is not where we think it is. The scapegoat serves as a target to free oneself from the guilt one cannot bear, to project one’s anger, to vent one’s frustration so as not to have to take responsibility for it.
Humiliation is a kind of outlet. The person who suffers it is often the weak link, marginalized as the ugly duckling. But at school, it can also be the one who’s too sensitive, too thin, too good a student, too pretty, too fat, too badly dressed…
Types of humiliation
There are several types of humiliation.
Verbal humiliation includes insults and demeaning phrases such as :
- tell your child: “you’re useless”, “you’re good for nothing”, “you’re dirty”, “you’re ugly”.
- tell your partner: “you’re so stupid”, “you embarrass me when you talk”.
- devaluing or ridiculing emotions: “stop whining about everything and anything”, “you’re too touchy”, etc.
- use sarcasm and irony to hurt people
Public humiliation:
- A family meal, when you’re the target of jokes about your looks or behavior that are intimate and revealed in front of everyone. The aim of the humiliator is to highlight a person’s failure within a group.
- By punitive methods that involve pointing the finger at the person who is the example not to be followed.
Physical humiliation through degrading gestures or attitudes such as :
- slap or hit someone in front of others to silence or belittle them
- forcing a person to kneel down to make them submit
- pulling hair, ears, touching private parts (cases of abuse)
- making children wear ridiculous or dirty clothes to school
- exposing someone in the nude (hazing)
- throwing food at someone
- forcing a child to stand in front of his plate for over an hour to finish it
- make him get down on one knee and apologize for a mistake
Humiliation through exclusion within a group: ignoring a person as if they didn’t exist
Internalized humiliation is a constant self-criticism that creeps in as a result of having been humiliated too often.
- We permanently sabotage ourselves because as children we believed that what was said about us was true. The child has no answers to defend himself, no distance to protect himself. Limiting beliefs take hold, preventing them from building healthy self-esteem. The guilt of never being enough or of being too much in comparison with others is very present.
- Examples of internalized humiliation: “I’m useless, I can’t do anything”, “who would want to go out with a girl like me”, “other people are more interesting than me. I’m insipid and transparent”.
The mask of humiliation: the masochist
The mask is a protective mechanism put in place in the unconscious to avoid suffering from the injury. Every wound has its own protection mechanism. For the conscious part, this makes no sense, but the unconscious doesn’t follow the same logic as the analytical mind.
The person suffering from an emotional wound needs to be loved and validated. For the person suffering from the wound of humiliation, the mechanism is different. She sacrifices herself for others, forgetting her own needs, and provokes situations where she will be humiliated again by going to people who don’t respect her and who take advantage of her.
The mask is a lure because, in the end, it leads the person to relive inadequate situations that cultivate a lack of self-love.
How do we react to someone who has humiliated us?
Step back and analyze the situation
When you’re in an embarrassing situation, the first thing to do is to find out whether it’s your thoughts that are playing tricks on you, interpreting a gesture or an off-color word that reflects what you think of yourself , or whether it’s intentional, whether you’ve actually been humiliated. Before reacting, it’s important tolisten to our feelings: see what part of us is affected, and look at it with kindness and tenderness.
Setting limits with kindness
When you’ve identified unacceptable behavior, you have the right to respond firmly and forcefully to express your dissatisfaction without getting carried away by anger.
For example:
- “What you just said to me is humiliating and I don’t want you to talk to me like that.”
- “You find it funny, I find it humiliating. Humor is not mocking.”
- Turning the tables can be a good defense if you have the nerve to do it.
- “It’s nice of you to note all my faults, in any case your greatest quality is not subtlety.”
- Eyes can express more than words. By staring at the other person, you make it clear that there’s a limit to how far you’ll go. You refuse with your gaze, you don’t give away.
Protecting yourself emotionally
When you’ve been through several experiences of humiliation, you’ve become permeable. It‘ s essential to learn how to protect yourself. The unconscious may have set up a mechanism that is not always helpful. For example, putting on weight can mean putting a protective layer between the heart and the outside world. Social phobia becomes a way of withdrawing from abusive situations, but it generates isolation that can lead to depression.
The importance of boosting self-esteem
To avoid remaining in this vicious circle, it is essential to get help: talk to people you trust, whowill give their advice and support, but also consult a therapist who specializes in emotional wounds.
How to heal the wound of humiliation?
Awareness and release of repressed emotions
Repetitive patterns are stored in the unconscious, and to break them and regain self-confidence and set limits, you have to realize that you have repressed all your emotions. Emotions are our friends. They serve to protect and defend us, like anger, for example.
- Identify your emotion by taking the time to look inside yourself and ask yourself the question very clearly: “What do I feel now?”
- Observing tensions in different areas of the body is the first step towards awareness.
- Why is this emotion there? What situation triggered it?
- If possible, greet him with phrases and visualization.
- Therapeutic follow-up with visualization techniques can help, as can certain self-help books.
Change your perception and rebuild your self-esteem
Once you’re aware of your injury and can identify situations more clearly, you’ll have more perspective. We reprogram our unconscious with new beliefs and habits. When you question a belief, you no longer believe it. We have to ask ourselves “does this belief still serve me?” or “is this thought real?”. From the moment we stop believing these judgments, our perception changes and we regain confidence.
The role of hypnosis in healing
L’hypnosis andEMDR are powerful tools for freeing oneself from limiting beliefs in the case of humiliation wounds.
By reconnecting with the parts of us that are still trapped in the violence of a situation, we can bring security and truth to what wasn’t right through our adult eyes. Acknowledging the pain of the child in us means feeling it under hypnosis and releasing the emotional charge without actually reliving the childhood trauma. childhood trauma.
Thisprovides the light needed to regain self-confidence. Reprogramming limiting beliefs linked to humiliation means talking to your inner child and telling him that you love him just as he is. It’s about believing in yourself again. But it’s also about believing in others by building a secure attachment with your relationships.
Make an appointment with Laurence DELINOT