Laurence DELINOT
Hypnotherapist
16bis rue du Docteur Roux
75015 PARIS
My name is Laurence DELINOT and for nearly 15 years I have been working alongside people who wish to use hypnosis to transform behaviors linked to adult attachment disorders.
Discover here the nuances of attachment, from secure types to anxious, avoidant and disorganized attachments. I explain the symptoms of this disorder, and present the different therapies available.
Don’t hesitate to make an appointment for a first hypnosis session in our Paris 15th office or by teleconsultation.
It’s a repeated reactionary and emotional behavior that causes psychic suffering in the relationship with another person, whether in love or in social relations in general. Attachment disorder is often detected following heartbreak or bereavement.
We have to go back to childhood to understand the origins of attachment disorders. Newborns and toddlers are entirely dependent on adults to satisfy their basic needs. Babies instinctively express their needs by crying and crying out for the parent’s attention, so that they can be fed, reassured, changed, cuddled and interacted with. The little one is a person in his own right who needs to be listened to, supported, protected and understood, and in this dynamic, he will naturally become attached to the parent who will provide him with the emotional security he needs to grow well and develop good self-esteem. In attachment disorder, the child has not been able to develop this strong bond for a variety of reasons.
It was psychiatrist John Bowlby who, in the 1950s, developed the theory of attachment after extensive observation of orphans in orphanages in Europe and the United States. Bowlby reveals four types of attachment. The first is defined as secure attachment and the other three as insecure attachment.
As its name suggests, this is the bond that has enabled the child to develop a secure relationship with others, thanks to an attachment figure who has responded in a stable, consistent way to the child’s needs. In this way, children can develop self-confidence in relation to the outside world, which they discover as they grow up with a solid emotional foundation. Of course, along the way he may experience relationships that damage this bond. But its type remains safe.
The child has had to deal with theemotional instability of his or her parents. The mother, most of the time the main attachment figure, can be both overprotective and therefore very present, even invasive, and intrusive, with anxiety-provoking messages for the child. This hyper-protection is in fact a psychological absence, as it does not meet the child’s real needs. The child experiences the paradox of lack through hyperstimulation.
The child has had to grow up with parents who are physically and psychologically absent. Little or no involvement in the relationship, sometimes with rejection behaviors rejection towards the child.
Care can be minimal, to the point of neglect. You could call it an empty shell. No loving gaze, no tenderness, no stimulation to awaken the child. The small child has integrated the fact that he can only rely on himself to regulate himself. He then minimizes his needs and may even cut himself off from his emotions.
Also known as ambivalent attachment, it’s a mixture of both anxious and avoidant types. The child has no stable reference point in the relationship with the attachment figure. They live in constant contradiction with a parent who alternately reassures and frightens them. The child is generally subjected to physical and/or psychological violence in the family environment. Neglect, incest, beatings, humiliation…
Given the unpredictability of the adult’s behavior, the child can’t have a relational strategy. It has no way of regulating emotions.
The consequences are numerous and, in some cases, devastating. The child suffers emotional deficiencies that will have disabling repercussions in future social and love relationships.
Understandably, in most cases the child will develop guilt and low self-esteem, as he or she is unable to question the parent taking care of him or her, lacking the intellectual capacity to do so and being dependent and powerless. If no outside adult witnesses and intervenes to keep the child safe, the child suffers and develops limiting beliefs about himself and the outside world. The result is strong emotional reactions, with demands and expectations that cannot be met in interpersonal relationships, needs for fusion and rejection of tokens of affection, difficulty or even impossibility of commitment or even intimate relationships.
Other symptoms include :
Attachment disorder is therefore a deep wound, like other wounds from the past: it’s a trauma. Fortunately, it is possible to heal past wounds through therapy. Alone, it seems almost impossible to unravel the threads and free oneself from the unconscious blocking patterns that govern the lives of people suffering from this disorder.
The first step is to find a therapist who can reassure you by providing a neutral, caring framework. It’s a good idea to ask yourself whether you should approach a woman or a man, get the necessary information from their website, and ask to be contacted to ask the questions that might reassure you. The therapist must be a good listener and available.
Various therapies exist to help you change your behaviour and manage your emotions better:
Healing the wounds of abandonment, rejection, humiliation and injustice are always resolved by reconnection with the inner child. Like the idea of Russian dolls, the inner child illustrates the different wounded parts of ourselves that remain unconscious, but also energetically repressed. Taking care of each part is intensely experienced during a session, thanks to the altered state of consciousness that enables us to experience healing inwardly rather than intellectualizing it.
The eye movement therapy is also suitable for traumas, by reconnecting to the problematic memory in order to desensitize it through bilateral eye movement and reprogram it with new beliefs so that new behaviors can be established.
Are you concerned about adult attachment disorder? Don’t hesitate to contact me to arrange a first hypnosis session!
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