27 Jan An abandonment wound brings up dependence
Our thoughts, words, actions and relationships with the others are conditioned by soul wounds or by existential wounds. They were first identified by John Pierrakos, an American psychiatrist. Lise Bourbeau, a Canadian therapist, wrote about them in her international bestseller, “The 5 Wounds of the Soul that Prevent You from Being Yourself”.
There are 5 kinds of soul wounds: rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal and injustice. They are often passed on to us by our parents and follow us since our childhood.
The person who suffers from the wound of abandonment thinks that he or she always needs someone to support and help him or her. This wound would come from childhood, when the parent of the opposite sex did not communicate sufficiently with them and did not nourish them enough emotionally. As they grow up, they enter into emotionally dependent relationships and literally cling to the people they love.
The addict is very likely to become a victim. This means that they unconsciously put themselves in situations where they find themselves in difficulty, in order to draw attention to themselves. They dramatize everything and the slightest difficulty seems insurmountable. Having problems often prevents them from feeling abandoned because this way, they attract the attention that they feel they deserve.
However, the addict quickly enters a vicious circle. The more he presents himself as a victim, the more he feels the wound of abandonment. At first, he feels happy and serene drawing attention to himself, but soon he starts brooding again.
The addict needs the approval and support of others to make a decision. If he feels supported, he will feel valued and helped. People with this type of soul wound generally do not like individual activities, as again they need to be supported by others.
They often ask for the opinion of others and prefer to be in a gregarious position, so that others continue to take care of them and don’t leave them alone. In fact, their greatest fear is loneliness. They cannot consider making their own decisions and living on their own.
The dependent person often feels sad and needs to feel surrounded so as not to experience this emotion, which is unbearable. They often cry about their difficulties and accuse others of not caring enough for them. If they show interest in someone, they will expect affection in return. They don’t realize that they don’t really care about others and that they are not very supportive themselves.
There are several keys to healing this wound and finally living by yourself and for yourself. One must be able to forgive oneself for having been abandoned and to forgive others for their abandon. Once this step has been taken, the wounded person must accept that he or she can also give up and that he or she is at risk of being abandoned again. Getting professional help, such as by a hypnotherapist, will allow the person to feel good about themselves and to make plans on their own, without constantly depending on others.